E-Mail Correspondence
With James Earl Jones
by pinky (featuring james earl jones)
The following exchange was taken from a series of e-mails in which Editor Pinky of the Co-Pilot Magazine, attempted to secure James Earl Jones as the official voice of the Co-Pilot.
To: vadervoice@gmail.com
Subject: The Co-Pilot Voice
Dear Mr. Earl Jones,
Hello, my name is Pinky and I represent the web's hippest online magazine, thecopilot.net. My associates and I would like to extend you the opportunity of a lifetime. We would like to have you do the introductory voice for an upcoming Internet news show. The line would read, "The Co-Pilot News. We're serious. Now."
Obviously, a man with your résumé should not be expected to do a project like this pro bono , so we are prepared to offer financial compensation. Please contact us at your nearest opportunity to discuss this further. Thank you Mr. Earl Jones.
Sincerely,
Your Father ... heh heh, just kidding ... Pinky
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To: pinky@thecopilot.net
Subject: RE: The Co-Pilot Voice
Dear Mr. Pinky,
I am quite delighted you thought of me when considering voices for your Internet newscast. However, it is at this time that I must let you know my going rate is almost certainly out of your budget range. My people tell me that my hourly rate is more than you pay for your website space over a 10 year period. I apologize for the inconvenience, but I thank you for your support of my work.
Sincerely,
James Earl Jones
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To: vadervoice@gmail.net
Subject: Co-Pilot Perks
Dear Mr. Earl Jones,
Thank you for your reply. I must say, Mr. Earl Jones, I have to urge you to reconsider. Although thecopilot.net is not a major Internet news source (yet), we are a company striving for virtual success. We are a major hub for creativity of all kinds, broadcasted over the worldwide web. The news show is merely an extension of this creative endeavor. We are prepared to offer, for your voice services, a financial package to the tune of $40.00. PLUS, a slight percentage of merchandising derived from using your voice.
Please think it over and get back to me. Thanks,
Pinky
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To: pinky@thecopilot.net
Subject: No Thank You
Dear Mr. Pinky,
I regret to inform you that while your financial package is certainly appealing (in a laughable sense), I cannot proceed with your project. I wish you luck in all your future plans.
Thank you,
James Earl Jones
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To: vadervoice@gmail.com
Subject: What do you mean, No?
Dear Mr. Darth,
Now is not the time to use the dark side of the voice with us. We counted on roping your talent into the Co-Pilot coral. You are leaving us out to dry. So to speak. I talked it over with our accountant and we can up you to $50.00. (By the way this will be in cash, so if you don't want to report it on your income taxes, you don't have to.)
Get back to me, Vader. May the voice be with you,
Pink Skywalker
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To: pinky@thecopilot.net
Subject: Buzz Off!
Look brat. I really do not have time for this stuff, all right. The first time was cute, but I have real fans and real business to attend to, so forget it.
Jones
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To: vadervoice@gmail.com
Subject: Why you little ...
Dear Darth "I Think I Have Talent" Vader Voice Guy,
Look, I can take a hint okay. You're washed up. Over the hill. Up the creek without a paddle. Stuck in a rut. Writer's block. A sprained ankle. You just can't quite muster the goods anymore. And you know what, it's okay with us.
Pinky
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To: pinky@thecopilot.net
Subject: Police Involvement
Okay kid. I had my people find your people, and if you want your little website to continue in existence, I suggest you not email me ever again. Got it!!
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To: vadervoice@gmail.com
Subject: Yeah right!
I think you're bluffing! Besides, I could do this voice thing better. You think you're some big shot Darth Vader guy. You couldn't even fit into that suit! No wonder they recorded the voice later!
I have a question for you. Where is your career going? Huh? I got news for you, Al Roker already has a lock on the fat old dude weathercaster, so there's nothing left for you. We are your last hope Darth!
Let me know if you still want in big guy.
Pinky