Vader Scores Victory Over Maul
in Light Saber Title Bout

by toledo jones

Last Thursday, the LEGO versions of Darth Maul and Darth Vader squared off in a light saber title bout for the ages.   The match featured multiple gruesome deaths, with limbs popping off one second, only to be reattached in the next.

"It started off just being for the fans," said Darth Maul, "I can't tell you how many times I've heard our fighting styles debated."

While Maul was in good spirits both before and after the clash, Vader left the scene in one of his patented moody rages, as he used the Force to break the set apart, one LEGO brick at a time.

Vader could not be reached for comment.

His fight promoter, Emperor Palpatine had this to say on behalf of his client, "If you ever watched episode one, you would see that Darth Maul's heart isn't into the climactic battle with Qui Gon and Obi Wan.   Light saber fighting, while it is something he excels at, is not something he prides himself on.

"Vader on the other hand, once used the Force to knock down a pile of blocks built by a kindergartener who claimed Vader blinked during a staring contest."

Although Vader was declared the winner by the panel of 'pansy non-Force enabled judges,' he still felt the 15 deaths he experienced, were a possible mar to his legacy.

During the post match press conference Vader was asked if he was getting tired entering the 18 th round, to which Vader replied "Hoooooooh.   Ehhhhhh.   Hooooooooh.   Ehhhhhhh."

Darth Maul expressed a joyous sentiment after the hard fought match, "I really thought things were over for me after I was cut in half," said Maul, "but then my agent pulled me aside and explained to me how Lego men worked, and Snap!"

Maul hopes to spar with several opponents of lesser import.

"These movies are centered around Darth Vader man!" said Maul, "For him to be my first fight, that was a little overwhelming."

He is hoping to go against either a weaponless C3-PO or the boy version of Boba Fett.

"Yeah, it's kind of cheesy," said Maul, "but we're all LEGOs so they won't really get hurt, and hey, I'm on the Dark Side."

So for now, Darth Vader stands atop the World Lightsabering Rankings, but word is several up and comers have their sights on the asthmatic villain.   Among those who have entered formal requests are Yoda, Obi Wan Kenobi and even Anakin Skywalker.

Adds the clueless Skywalker, "I've taken out some highly ranked Sith before, I don't know who this Vader thinks he is, but he better watch out for the plot twist I have cooked up for him..."

Hooooooooh.   Ehhhhhhhhh.   Hoooooooooh.   Ehhhhhhhhhh...