Metaphor-Men Look to League-Up

by sir thomas loin

"The Micropolis Metaphor-men are ascending the ranks of football like a pack of rabid air bubbles darting to the surface of an office water cooler in the middle of its refilling process." -Sir Thomas Loin

When Thomas Amman scored his league leading 13 th goal of the season, he had nary an indication of the massive hierarchical controversy that would shortly ensue.

Team manager Ralph Dribble has entered a formal petition to take his rec-league championship club into the professional ranks.

The Metaphor-men would need to knock out one of the existing ten pro-teams should their petition be heeded by league commissioner Bernard Erstwhile.

"We can take those pasty over-paid blokes," said team keeper Albright.

The Metaphor-men of Micropolis have been hugely famous since they competed in the opening round of the Fruit Bowl in 2000.   In an epically successful publicity stunt, the Metaphor-men played the entire match wearing nothing but their football boots.

Ironically, their team apparel have ranked as the highest selling pieces of sports memorabilia each of the past five years.

"You see, right now we're the guy in the rickety sidecar with the oversized goggles, waving his hands up and down and acting like a chimp in a banana shop during a sale," said team captain, Thomas Amman, "What we want to become now is the monkey master, with both hands on the handlebars of our own destiny."

The team's leading tackler and non-captain, Joel Prestmus had a more streamlined message to deliver at the press conference, "I want to hunt down Manchester United like a rotweiller chasing a fat man wearing steak-pants!"

While the global popularity of the Metaphor-men make leap-frogging a few professional circuits possible, it's unrealistic at this point to imagine the existing roster competing against clubs of Premiere League ilk.

David West, the reigning league champion of disciplinary points approached the podium during the post-game press conference only to have his comments earn him the first recorded off-field red card in football history.

This indecipherable excerpt was the only portion our editors have allowed us to print:

"...like a ***ing ten-finned whale getting his @#$%ing baleen pierced while getting an arrow tattooed @*&# above his blowhole with the $*^&# words &#@^ &$..."

David West ladies and gents.   The one-time team captain turned team loony who has remained the face of the franchise throughout his tumultuous tenure with the Metaphor-men.